family first

Without family, we wouldn't be where we are right now.

Without their prayers, we would still be in the past, struggling to get out somewhere.

We are still struggling. We are still undoubtedly struggling, but our struggles are made easy because of our family. 

It's all about the family - it should be 90% about family, and 10% about self. 

I'll just provide the simplest example, the smallest family ever. Dear and myself. Myself is myself. For an example, if I loved dancing, which I do not, and dear prefers going to the mountains, I would prefer going to the mountains with him because going to the mountains may create more memories for me with him, rather than going for dance on my own. 

Just an EXAMPLE. 

No dancing or going to the mountains, okay...

A more realistic example would be this: 

Dear prefers watching captain America in the civil war or whatever you call it. 

And I prefer watching Mother. You know, the mother's day movie... about mothers... duh. 

In the end, from my end, I will give in to watch captain America with him, rather than going to watch Mother on my own - unless he says fine, let's go watch Mother. 

Okay, enough of achieving a non-achievement which is blogging for no reason. Let me get back to achieving my real sense of achievement. 

I miss my family. 

new life in March

we are blessed with great parents. literally dear's parents, in this case, even though legally my parents since i'm tied to him for life.

only the one above all things knows what they have done for us.

-------- this is a very, very delayed continued post--------

dear's parents ... my in laws... they are really, really wonderful. they helped us in any way that they can. they are just there somehow, to help out, reminding  me that i have a family here...reminding me that i am loved. 

New Life, because we are finally settled in our own crib ... still abah's for now, but at least we are not paying to borrow cribs from strangers anymore. it's really a blessing. Allah loves us all... Allah does. 

from the bottom of my heart, even though this is such a short post, i would like to announce to whomever is able to read this - that i am really grateful to be married to my dearie dear husband, even though we quarrel 99.32% of the time. this is the path Allah has set for us, and whatever it is, we are only able to plan, but Allah decides. 

another short update just to remind myself for no reason .... i miss home as in my home home, and most of all i wish i could go back to see my grandma who just got out of the operation. like jaclyn said, we are such a small family but it's a good thing that we love each other and we are very close to each other. i love my mamah! 

okay, that's all i'd like to say for now. 

My Money should be in My Power

Gone were the days when I foolishly felt that getting a job with a fixed monthly 2k Ringgit currency was enough for life. 

8 years ago, while in the search of a career, I innocently, a pure dabbler, had thought that a fixed income would do the feeding to the body and soul. I was an egoistic superhero with words - criticizing those with debts, those with jobs yet failed to separate oneself with the verb "owe",  believing immaculately that such nonsense would not fall unto me. The level of confidence made itself a promise that if ever a decent monthly salary were in my grasp, the veto power to control the salary outflow would be all mine.

I was dead wrong. 

But I was not the only one.

Most employees would have at least the same thought, if not a high percentage of similarity with mine, at the beginning of an employment of their first job. 

And then, the environment would start giving some sort of pressure to us. We start needing a car. An upgrade toa new phone; the latest one, if possible. And then a new laptop. And then new clothes and shoes and handbags - though it is not necessarily a need. And then comes 'the' credit card. And then the benefits of swiping credit cards - the convenience of it, especially when there is an imaginary need of fine dining (just because!). And then a loan, to settle off the credit card outstanding. The mind loses. Desire wins. From one loan to another - as long as the eligibility is awake! Then, unsure of how life brings us to one steep curve - where bills are stalled, and the registered debt collectors start calling the phones - and expensive gadget just keeps giving more stress instead of its initial purpose as a thing which supposedly brings pleasure. 

Well... despite this category of people with me in it, there is another category out there who do savings more than damages! This is the category I am trying to get in now... one which is quite hard to enter - but I know I am getting there... :-) 

Thank you.

Unplanned Family Trip

The last time we had such a family trip was earlier this year...when we went for our cousin's wedding in Kedah. It was fun,of course, the Kedah trip.
This trip to visit our doctor brother was also unplanned,but good, nevertheless. We stayed at his place, and went to the zoo today before heading back home. Such adventures, though I hated the massive amount of people at the zoo, since it's a long Holiday. The exhaled air of so many people...the contagious sweat for some, gosh! If it wasn't for the family, I wouldn't have agreed to go to such crowded place, despite my love for animals.
Well, it was worth seeing the smiles on the parents' faces when everyone is around.
Signing off for now - gonna continue my The Wild Child book which I got for myself from the recycle centre that also supports a single parent foundation.

my little surprise

Dear got me a ring on my 30th birthday! I'm so thrilled! I was so touched I almost cried... he is just so nice to me... I wonder when had he gotten this romantic...

It's already so late, and I shall stop here. I will write more.

Love you, dear.

forevermore...

jimmy died today

it's been a while since this blog, or my other blog , has been updated. i'm not even sure when was the last time i had logged in. i had been wanting to fix my other blogs with image issue, but i just can't seem to prioritize this! 

this year is almost ending, and many things have been happening. i have achieved many things this year, and i have of course, lost some this year too. my loss would be more like, missing out appointments with friends. you know those so called words of wisdom thingie which give people (dumb people, in that sense..., including myself sometimes)the "oohh, yea.. it's true..." response... those are bullshit. okay, i have not even gone to the example. one example would be : "people are never busy, they are just prioritizing.." or something like that... is total bull to the shit. why do i say so? when you have too many things on your plate - something which you need, must do, and it's something with a deadline just because it involves many parties, will definitely take up your time! of course, the jimmy died today story does give everyone the so called awareness that friends / relatives are indeed important. however, now yes i use the word however here, because it means that i am trying to justify or defend something here - however, it is sometimes a situation - or too many times a situation, which we are not able to avoid. i always think that friends do no need extravaganza superb day-to-day or hour-to-hour contact, but friends need to say good things about their own friends, and they need to be understanding, especially in the world of adult, especially when one has other commitments, has family, seriously have something more important to be done. of course, sometimes when i am let down by friends just because they are busy with something else, i would pout too - but there is no reason for me to stab the friend in the back. okay, no one has done that to me so far - not in my knowledge anyway, because it's intentionally at the "back". alright, i'm going to cut the crap now, and going to be more serious now. 

let's look at my schedule : it's packed. sorry. Kidding! well, it makes me frown more than it brings me smiles when all i need to do is to force myself to cash out some money that i am not sure i have, just to please people. then again... jimmy died today.

among others...

the last 3 weeks had been such a rush for me. in some of the rushing, dear had been a really nice angel to me. he had helped easing my burden.

i conducted training in malacca & kuching. i loved it. initially i hated the system which made everyone unhappy, but in the end i got to master the one thing many people hated (of course, i hated it at first too, and i hated how it made the users suffer), and i had in the end learned to like it. it was not that bad.

i was glad i was able to be among the first few people that new comers get to meet, and to have met them first before others, though i prefer working behind the curtain. that's right, i dislike being out there, even though it always gives me the kind of satisfaction which i never once anticipated. to me, talking in a crowd had been a very heavy burden, because i hated it, and i hated the commitment of my words. not sure how Allah has planned it for me, but Allah had made the job i hated the most as my career right now! :) Hahaha life is really hard to predict, is it not?

Allah may have not given us a child just yet, but dear is given a wife who loves him to the bones, and he is also given the best parents ever...and i am blessed with a family and a job i love.
there's a lot to be thankful for, if you ask me...

lately, i had been thinking that it's a little pointless, achieving so much on earth, if our journey to heaven is not taken care of.

at times, i have waves and waves of guilt for not being there for my family;  my mum, my grandma, my aunt, my two sisters... not being able to earn enough for everyone to have a great life, not starting my assignment early, forgetting friends... and that sometimes or most of the time, dear does what i am supposed to be doing at home... preparing food, washing dishes, washing clothes...

whatever it is , there are many things to be thankful about - this i am very sure.

Pray that Kak Hawa will be fine....

Dear Diary,

You aren't my diary but I just love saying that, because I love writing diaries, but all my diaries are not within my reach now. I won't say why, but they are safe... so no worries.

We just got back from the hospital. Dear's relative is very sick. In fact, she's very close to going to Heaven. She is currently in coma, ... and her daughters are looking very strong. She has another two sons, and they also really look strong. They do not seem very distraught, which I really salute - because if I were to be in their shoes, I would have been really sad and down, and I would be crying every now and then.

I had to go to the office earlier on, so dear and I went to the hospital after 4. We reached there and went inside to the ICU as per advised by my sister in law. We took off our shoes and then wore the slippers provided by the ICU unit  ...

When I walked into the place... I saw people talking to their unconscious loved ones on the bed...whispering things into their ears... and some others had no visitors. We looked for Bed No.5 and then saw Kak Hawa. She was lying there unconscious...and dear was just quiet. It really broke my heart seeing her like that, just because I knew how she was when she was still well. I am not that close to her - but I let out a tear or two, because I couldn't help feeling sorry for her and her family. It must have been really indescribably painful for her husband and her children.

I just hope a miracle will happen - something great will happen because she is way  too young to go, and she is just way too nice.

My bestfriend the SUPERMUM!

Emily Tan. A common name yet a special one to me. I remember back in Secondary 1, when I was 13 years old, I had mistaken her for another schoolmate who was my mother's old friend's daughter. I remember wondering why this girl was so stuck up because I was introduced to her and she was to me, by our mums. Little did I know that I got the different schoolmate!

We became good friends back in Secondary 3, together with another two bestfriends of mine, Julie and Krystle. 

When my father died in 2001, Emily was the only one who hung out with me during every recess time, and we would walk around the school and talked about almost everything. I will be forever treasure this friendship!

Creativity is what she is.

Well, she just did something amazing for her boy, Jasper. He just turned 5... and she organized a birthday party for him just the way he asked for.

I really would turn to her when it comes to raising a child. In my point of view, she does it the right way. I have met Jasper in total of only twice - once during his full moon, or not (Arghh, bad memory!) and once last year. The communication between Emily and her son was what I never thought of. Unlike most parents that I know of - no offense to anyone in whatever way - Emily treated him like an adult. She apologized when she felt that she had offended her son. "Did mummy hurt you? I'm sorry,boy." And he could talk like an adult! Only 4 then, but no baby talk. And it seemed to me Jasper and his mum were really a team! I'm not sure if I have the permission to list this down, but they have car rules. Hahaha! It really did cheer me up despite the worn out feeling I had, while I was back in hometown. 

This was a picture Emily had obtained from the internet. This pinata was what she aimed to do... 

Pinata in the process... Hehehehe...

Look! It looks the same !!!! 

This is the birthday boy - Jasper Tan. This picture is pretty funny.

Standing proudly in front of his RM300 cake, a gift from his aunt, Evelyn Tan - Emily's younger sister.

The setting is just.... wonderful. 

So colorful and perfect! 

Who wouldn't get excited?

Guess where she got the Tutus from? Surprise, surprise - she made them! I am amazed beyond words. The lady in the pink tutu is Evelyn.

This is the complete family. The forever young looking parents and handsome Jasper. 

Rumor has it that... they are a couple! Hot news! Hot Gossip!!! 

May Allah bless my friend Emily and her family. Bless her little son and I pray that he grows up to be one handsome, successful man. 

Our Life

I don't quite know where to begin, but I know for sure that I am thankful for my husband's presence in my life. We quarrel, we talk about nothing, we laugh non-stop, he makes me cry, and I physically abuse him. He slaps my heart, I slap his stomach. Sometimes we don't sleep at night, sometimes we get more than 12 hours of sleep. We talk to each other like politicians sometimes and we argue like enemies at times. We say things and not do them, like him saying  he will wash the plates, and never does, and I do it in the end. I say I will vacuum the room, but only do it two weeks later. We make plans for movies but end up buying take-outs and enjoy watching Sheldon. I know the title of the sitcom is The Big Bang Theory, but that's just how we address the movie name. 

I randomly hug his arm and kiss it while I am done with my phone or whenever I am bored, while he is still on his tab. He tickles me and I would melatah. (Found this on wisegeek.com :

Latah is a medical condition in which sufferers have an unusual response when their startle reflex is triggered.) Nothing serious, he just enjoys it and laughs whenever it happens to me.

Whenever I am angry about someone, he stands by me and then becomes my partner in crime, even though the mature me wishes that he stops me and calms me down. Then again, this is what your other half is for, if not for standing by you? (winkasa!)


Sometimes I tell him my problems and he ignores me. Sometimes he tells me about bikes, road systems, processes, cars, with all the jargons and I daydream away.


He brings me to work and sends me home whenever he can. We eat like princesses sometimes but another 80% of the time we eat like tigers. He makes fun of all my love movies, and my quotes about love, and I don't stop annoying him about romance and all the words related to love.


We believe in our future together, and we believe that we are going to own a sanctuary in Africa once we are retired. Or, we may be on-road world travellers: with our backpacks, our worn out shoes, and wrinkled skin.