My mind talks.

It has been months since I have written a new entry here. Let me see... 

Currently (Real Time Update): 

Dear is snoring away next to me. It's about 12.15 pm... And I have yet to hang the clothes. Chasing the sun is always good. 

I had taken a few chocolate biscuits, and have had a few sips of coffee. There's somehow always coffee in our room. Coffee here I mean Nescafe. The best brand ever. If there's a Nescafe brand for laptops or phone and they have that cocoa-istic smell on the items I would have bought them for sure. Not only Nescafe brings me to life, it brings everything else to life! I remember my favorite Aunt (Aunt Eng) loves it. I remember her sipping the coffee off bit by bit even though it was boiling hot. I didn't understand that back then. Now I do. 

Another real time update is this : 

It's now 3.35 pm, dear is awake, and I've prepared our late lunch, hung the clothes, and of course, played my Criminal Case on Facebook. 

I prepared my Fritto Misto which dear loves, and we ate it with our coffee. 

And it's raining. It's a cozy Sunday afternoon. With Big Bang Theory on the TV of course. And dear following up the Harlem Shake thing on his tab. Me typing away here in my pink laptop. I'm not sure about the necessity of this information though. 

Anyway, I'm going to categorize my writing here. 

On Family:

My sister Jaclyn had just changed her profile picture to the one which she was with me during my wedding day. I feel so honoured! My youngest baby sister Natalie is not feeling quite well, and she had been like this for days. I just hope she takes her medicine on time and drinks sufficient water. Water flushes off toxic from our body. 

I sometimes miss my grandpa before I go to sleep at night, and I miss my dad... and even though my grandma still looks healthy, I am really scared of the day when she says goodbye. I really, really am afraid of that day. I sometimes go to sleep crying because of all these. I miss them. I miss them real much. 

My mum has been dancing so much that dancing has become her world. I remember her telling us that dancing and performing has been her passion, even before she had us. Back when she was as young as ... super young. She should have become a star. 

My aunt has always been on my mind, and I really wish that she stops thinking that she is a burden to us because she's family and she should not feel that way. I love her like my own mum. I've got 5 angels in my life. 

First is my grandma, then my mum, aunt and then my  two sisters. They are my world. Of course when I say angel here I'm only referring to female. Dear is my ... life? Hahaha.. 

We haven't gone back to see my in-laws... I wonder how they are doing.... 

Last night we met them though at the cousin's ceremony. It was just a "Doa Selamat" thing. A "benediction"? Dear  had such a friendly cousin.

On Work: 

I am glad that I am at where I am. I do not want to promise anything, but I would say that I am glad that I am here. There are a few games to play, few comments to play in my head, and of course there a few wonders in my head, but, but, but ... I do respect these few people here in this organization that I am in, but I feel invisible intendedly at times. I of course, need to reflect on myself to check out what is wrong with me. The only thing that I am certain now is that I am glad to be where I am at and I know that there is still room for improvement... 

On Love: 

Oh my my, what can I say about this one? This one is definitely - something that I treasure. I treasure and will fight for. Well, dear has been nice. Not nice as in those Cinderella or Snow Whitey prince kind of nice, but he has been a good husband to me. Not a perfect one of course - but he is the perfect match for me. I dare to say this one here because I don't know how much darer I can be. I don't know what I am talking about any longer... being in love is a wonderful feeling. It drives you nuts, and it makes you unaware of so many things... 

1.) He does not bother me whenever I am doing my own stuffs.

2.) He waited for me at the gate when it rained, and came to me with an umbrella in hand. An umbrella which we both shared. 

3.) He finishes all the food that I cook, even though sometimes I forgot the most important ingredient ever- SALT.

4.) He takes the Vitamin C tablet that I bought for him - every morning. 

5.) He cleans up the dishes sometimes whenever I forget to do so. 

6.) Whenever there's pending house chore - and I get sleepy - he would say, "Sleep first, baby...we settle that another time..."

7.) He shows me interesting stuffs he finds in the internet... sharing IS caring... hahaha! 

8.) He asks me to drink coffee first - which we never really run out of in the room - whenever I wake up and he's awake. 

Okay I should stop here.

I love him. I love my husband. 

On Friends: 

I'm not sure if I will sound all fifteen or nine if I talk about my friendship with certain people here. 

Hmm... let's see.

So far, I'm more than thankful to have a bunch of friends who are really nice to me - and I make my effort in contacting them through Whatsapp, Skype, BBM... whatever that I can... I believe in constant communication even though sometimes people do get bored with all of these communication. 

I love 'em. They give me the laughter, the joy...

Chinese New Year 2013

Warning : Below context written in tears. Hehehe..

To all the racist people out there - and shallow minds of course - please equip yourself with more knowledge than ever to prepare yourselves for a better country. This comes because of some remarks saying that - never mind, I don't want to say a single thing about it here because it pisses me off.

So... I miss home, Kuching. I have in fact missed out 3 years of celebrations - the last time I celebrated Chinese New Year was back in 2010. Then again, before all these years, I had been celebrating this celebration since I was born. I miss my home town... I had been brought up like a Chinese - the only thing that differs me from a real, pure Chinese would be my name - because I carried Martin as my surname. Apart from that, all the superstitious were Chinese based. The hygiene came from there too. The loathe of slowness and laziness also from there - and I don't know, the whole family is from there? My pure Chinese mother and my 50% of Chinese father with the Chinese dominance had brought about all these. We are practically a Chinese family. 

From a Roman Catholic by religion, I had converted (reverted) to becoming a Muslim. This is not going to sound beautiful to many, but most people are somehow associating Muslim with Malay merely because of the country itself - no blaming here, I still love this country - don't throw me out of this country filled with memories. Well, in Malaysia, whoever is a Malay, is born a Muslim. That's how it works. Leaving Islam will cost you your nationality? I'm unsure, but I know it's nearly impossible to do so. Then again, who would want to leave Islam?? I'd like to be very honest here. Being a Muslim is not hard. It's beautiful. Covering up gives me a reason to remember Allah, to remember that a Muslim woman should cover up her awra'. And, people with shallow minds (sorry, whoever you are... as long as this crosses your mind) think that  I have become a Malay. How is that evolutionarily possible? I was born a Melanau Chinese and I will die as that itself. Growing up being in a totally different community, beliefs, and circle of friends, I don't know how I had accepted this change in me so willingly. Then again, all my other family and members - my only true friends and family members - who matter to me more than anything else at times - sometimes kind of put a dart through my heart - ACCIDENTALLY, I'd say. That hurts me more than ever, really. Then again, these are times I should be quiet because  at this kind of time, is the time when I cannot turn to anyone without making the other party hate the other. This is the real stress that I go through - yet never know who to tell it to, what to say about it... This is silence and I just don't know how to put all these into words so that my heart is clear. Converting to Islam belief does not make me a different race - it's the belief and the faith that I have that has been renewed and restored. That does not separate me from the rest of you, my own family and friends. Then again I'm used to being in the middle - my other Chinese friends take me as an outlier, my non-Chinese friends think of me as a Chinese. Throughout my whole life, there had been people initially thinking that I am a Chinese, and then when I mentioned my official (written in birth cert) race, they are like, "Oh..." and then start being careless when talking about Chinese race... and that's an Ouch. Being a Muslim and choosing Islam is my choice -MY CHOICE. One man wished me Happy Chinese New Year... even though I met him with my Hijab on...he knew me way before this - and I was..... happy. I was really happy that he did not judge what was on me. Sadly, (ARRGgghhhhh I'm in tears... I'm super homesick and I wanna go home - yet my family members do no think that I would want to celebrate this festive season. None of them has called me to wish me Happy Chinese New Year- the only person who had wished me is Jaclyn... ) some friends wish me half-heartedly... I don't know anymore. It just suddenly feels like I am all alone. Maybe people take this as a mode of betrayal - a form of betrayal? I don't feel included in anything. I was never really am the main character in anything. I seriously feel lonely in this. Sometimes the definition comes to you... without you needing to find it out. 

Last night I went up to Genting Highland with Dear... and even though he is my husband, I don't quite share this with him, because... It's ok, I told him that I'm homesick. I didn't know how else to say it. We used his KTM to go up there - and it was a great ride. It was a windy night - and it was super cold up there in Genting. I loved it up there. I was very excited about the trip even though it was a super short one. It had been a while since it was just the two of us going for trips. We brought home-made coffee... and can you imagine me falling asleep on the way back? I even dreamt of handing something to someone - I dreamt! We got out from the house at about 10:09 PM ... and we went to have some supper before heading home... the ride was great ... and I felt like I did not have enough of it. Then again, too much of something is bad enough - Spice Girls said.

The Beautiful Day

So today we are going to talk about my wedding. MY WEDDING!!!!! Hoorraayy!!!

The friendly Wikipedia said this : A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution. 

I have to admit that previously Dear and I did not want all of these - all of these "hassle", we used to refer it ... and we did not want to have the reception. But when the day came - I just could not thank Dear's parents enough... I loved it! It was a hot, sunny day, and it was a tiring day, but I loved it! I smiled the whole day! They got people to make me up... and I looked stunning! I didn't look like myself! 

Me before going out from the room.. TADA!

We felt that having a wedding reception was a waste. We wanted our money to be spent on adventures instead. Then again, this wedding reception was fully covered by Dear's parents and partly contributed by his sister. To be honest, Dear and I did not do anything much about this wedding. I have to appreciate Dear's parents' contributions. They did so much for us.

Well, the great day came - and seriously, it was not all that bad. I was actually pretty amazed that Dear did not flee from the scene like he threatened his mum that he would if he was forced to dress up on that day, and left me alone to smile at the camera. He was there the whole time - and HE SMILED!!!! Hahahaha!! He smiled for the camera, smiled at guests, smiled at everyone else! WEEEEHEHEHEHEHEE!!! And he wore the Keris which he had been laughing at all those years! :) He was such a cutie pie! Muah!

You know what is the best part? Mummy and Jaclyn and Nana were there with me throughout the whole thing. They were there the whole time and they were just there! I'm so glad they were. It meant so much to me! The saddest thing would be my two other angels not being there. My Grandma (Mamah) and my aunt, E E (In chinese E E or Yi Yi means aunt. ) And another best part of all is that my friends came!!!!!! I cannot believe they really did ! I mean, I just did not expect them to - for some reason I thought they were not going to be interested in my invitation.

The night before I had my fingers Inai-ed by his beautiful sister, Lydia .... she is just so good in all of these.... I wish I can get some of her skills in this though. And knowledge, of course. I think if she were to open up a business on this, it's going to be a successful one... 

Julie works in Singapore with her boyfriend, Kenneth. I'd prefer to refer him as her husband though - they had been together forever! He bought her a surprise ticket... and our lovely friend Krystle, did what she normally does - good deeds, and offering her hospitality to send the lovebirds to my place so that they could all come together! They came with Baju Kurung and Kebaya, and I was sooo ... amazed. Julie came to my wedding !!!! My bestie came to my wedding !!!! :'D

Gwyn and her two great voices sisters (Joey and Abigail) , as well as her two cousins (Yien and Vivian) and another two friends of ours (Nai Lin and Ruby Ong) came to the wedding as well!!

Emily M. and her colleague made their way here as well even though they both had transportation problem.

The Koreans came with a cab and had to pay nearly RM 50.00 for it! They made it here!!! 

My friend Fazailer and our old friend from Uni, Sue also came ... :) Soooo happy !

My boss Wanie, and another boss Rhyz, all came with their families - and of course the sweet Kak Marina. :) So happy! :) Really appreciate it.

Bell came with her husband and Fairus came with his wife and little baby. Mahathir came as well... Really, these colleagues made it here! So glad that they did!

Loke came with her parents and her nephew , and Suzanne came with her boyfriend... awwww ... 

My mum and my sisters arrived KL on the night of 24th January 2013, that was a Thursday. I knew my  mum was going to be shocked with my new look - but I could not help it. I just had to do what is right. I was so happy that my mum was going to come and see how my life is. I mean, I want to let her know that I am truly happy and that she should not worry about me, at all. I couldn't wait to bring her to the zoo.

Days and days before that Dear's family had been working hard on the door gifts and food, and they even asked some close relatives to come over and help out. I don't know what kind of dilemma I had put myself into. I couldn't help in the financial aspects for sure - and I didn't know what to do - I didn't know what the plan was. I felt guilty about this. Despite all these- I felt very busy too - It just felt that way, no idea why.

Honestly, yea, another honesty... I felt great... and liked the wedding reception. Loved it, even though honestly this wasn't what I had ever in my life imagined how it would be. I mean, I had always thought it was going to be - I don't know, I never really thought about it, in fact. I mean, I never thought about how a reception of my wedding was going to be - but then this one turned out great. 

My sister Jaclyn became my maid of honour - so called, because she had to be by my side and helped me out with my make up and all... I love her. 

At first when we were supposed to go out to the Pelamin (bridal bed), we didn't know what to do. Dear wanted to escape and go through the side door - and then my sister and his brothers just kept laughing at him. When his dad shouted at him then he used the main entrance. I was laughing the whole way ever since the Keris was at this stomach. He had been laughing at his friends and everyone else getting married with the Keris on. HAHAHAHAHAA!!! That's him, my unique man. In fact, now when he looked back at all his smiling pictures, he regretted it and hoped to die that his friends do not see them. :-)))) Dream on, babylove... it's all over internet now. Kakakaka!!

**Pictures are not in order!** 

This is the food table for the bride and groom

My beautiful Mommy. 

The one in green is Julie, the one in white is Krystle , and the one with the buttoned up shirt is Kenneth, Julie's boyfriend.

The three Korean girls are my housemates - the one in red Joo Hui, followed by Nicole and her elder sister, Michelle. My own sister is the one in pink, Jaclyn.

Pretty arrangement. :-) 

The food looks delicious don't they.

The Korean girls and I.

The Korean girls and dear.

This is a very sweet picture of my side of the family - missing Grandma and aunt Eng.

This is the complete family of Dear's family - the whole big family. I'm glad everyone could make it.

The girl with me is Emily M, and I'm really glad I forced her to come. :) Her colleague Ellie is the one standing next to Dear.

These are my "hantaran", or you may say wedding gifts from dear's family.

Dearest mummy and I.

Darling Sister Jaclyn and I..

Mom, me and Nana. 

Girls just wanna have fun! They just love my tiara!

My two sisters.

Mum having conversations with Dear's mum..

The tallest guy is Ain, Dear's youngest brother... and the one on his side is his second. 

I miss Jannah already! The other two kids sitting down are Haryz and his sister, Naya. :) I love them! 

:) Poor thing Jannah, she wasn't able to sleep well on that day... she was passed around ... hahaha... too cute to resist!

My school friends - I was really, really touched they made it here for me.

Us at the food table.

One of the wedding gifts ! :)

The little kid took over the best man's place for a little while :) 

My gorgeous mummy who had been there all along for me... I love you, Mii!

Ok, I love this picture. It's soooo candid! 

This girl's name is also Aishah - who turned good friend as well, even though we only became friends starting last year's March.

Nicole loved the tiara. Her sister and Joo Hui loved it too! The cute girl with specs was the event's  cameragirl! A cousin in law, dearest Ayna.  :)

This is dear's dad. I call him Abah now. :) 

This man is dear's best friend. According to dear, he is as retarded as dear is. Whatever that means. :-D Being crazy is great sometimes. Being able to lay back and relax. And be funny!

This woman is dear's mum and I call her Mak now. Haha. :) 

They were the first to greet me!!!! :))) I love 'em!

These two ladies were the hardworks behind all this beautiful day. Dear's mum and his sister, Lydia.

The one in black shirt is my colleague, Fairus, with his wife and daughter. 

This girl in purple is Nadia Belinna, and the man is her husband. She is also my colleague. 

This is the sweet little Jannah and her mother , my sister in law, Fatin.

This is the small family - Juwann, my brother in law, and his wife and their little princess Jannah.

Dear is like, "Laju, laju!!" to his in law, to fan it faster. Laju means fast. It was a hot day! :)

All went well... Alhamdullillah!!!
Super super super special thanks to Dear's family... I really appreciate this wedding.... it's a priceless gift! None of these would have happened without the family.

Extremely blessed that my loved ones were all there, except mamah and my beloved e e.

The Wedding Preparation

Well, I seriously need to thank Dear's family - my in - laws in this. Dear and I do nothing - and they are the ones doing all of the jobs. The only thing that Dear and I did were up to the documentations part - and even at that Abah (Dear's dad) helped so much in that. 

His mum (Mak) and his sister and the whole family helped out so much on the reception's preparation. 

I don't know how to thank them. They are just so nice. :) I'm so glad to be a part of this family. His sister (Lydia is the pretty girl in the picture - even though you cannot really see her from here) is super super helpful and really pretty -I'm judging from her skin. Great skin, not only fair but radiant. 

Her two little kids - I adore the little girl (Naya) - she's very entertaining. :) Filled with imaginations and she's all laughter. The boy (Haryz) is a smart one - the intelligent boy from his school. He got the excellence award.

The man sitting at the couch is Lydia's husband - a quiet man yet loves his kids. The other guy sitting near the glasses - he's the youngest brother of dear's. So super into all-Korean and extremely quiet too - and he studies medicine! That's like a dream job and study!

Another 5 important people in Dear's family aren't there in the pictures. The parents - the dad was frying some local finger food for us and his mum was clearing the envelopes (to post the wedding cards to family and friends). Another 3 were his brother who is currently in Kuching , with his wife Fatin and their baby Jannah. Ahhh... that little adorable baby! :) Can't wait to see her again!

These two pictures were taken just last night - before we all had dinner at the Bamboo cafe.

I don't know how to thank them enough for all these, really.