my little surprise

Dear got me a ring on my 30th birthday! I'm so thrilled! I was so touched I almost cried... he is just so nice to me... I wonder when had he gotten this romantic...

It's already so late, and I shall stop here. I will write more.

Love you, dear.

forevermore...

jimmy died today

it's been a while since this blog, or my other blog , has been updated. i'm not even sure when was the last time i had logged in. i had been wanting to fix my other blogs with image issue, but i just can't seem to prioritize this! 

this year is almost ending, and many things have been happening. i have achieved many things this year, and i have of course, lost some this year too. my loss would be more like, missing out appointments with friends. you know those so called words of wisdom thingie which give people (dumb people, in that sense..., including myself sometimes)the "oohh, yea.. it's true..." response... those are bullshit. okay, i have not even gone to the example. one example would be : "people are never busy, they are just prioritizing.." or something like that... is total bull to the shit. why do i say so? when you have too many things on your plate - something which you need, must do, and it's something with a deadline just because it involves many parties, will definitely take up your time! of course, the jimmy died today story does give everyone the so called awareness that friends / relatives are indeed important. however, now yes i use the word however here, because it means that i am trying to justify or defend something here - however, it is sometimes a situation - or too many times a situation, which we are not able to avoid. i always think that friends do no need extravaganza superb day-to-day or hour-to-hour contact, but friends need to say good things about their own friends, and they need to be understanding, especially in the world of adult, especially when one has other commitments, has family, seriously have something more important to be done. of course, sometimes when i am let down by friends just because they are busy with something else, i would pout too - but there is no reason for me to stab the friend in the back. okay, no one has done that to me so far - not in my knowledge anyway, because it's intentionally at the "back". alright, i'm going to cut the crap now, and going to be more serious now. 

let's look at my schedule : it's packed. sorry. Kidding! well, it makes me frown more than it brings me smiles when all i need to do is to force myself to cash out some money that i am not sure i have, just to please people. then again... jimmy died today.

among others...

the last 3 weeks had been such a rush for me. in some of the rushing, dear had been a really nice angel to me. he had helped easing my burden.

i conducted training in malacca & kuching. i loved it. initially i hated the system which made everyone unhappy, but in the end i got to master the one thing many people hated (of course, i hated it at first too, and i hated how it made the users suffer), and i had in the end learned to like it. it was not that bad.

i was glad i was able to be among the first few people that new comers get to meet, and to have met them first before others, though i prefer working behind the curtain. that's right, i dislike being out there, even though it always gives me the kind of satisfaction which i never once anticipated. to me, talking in a crowd had been a very heavy burden, because i hated it, and i hated the commitment of my words. not sure how Allah has planned it for me, but Allah had made the job i hated the most as my career right now! :) Hahaha life is really hard to predict, is it not?

Allah may have not given us a child just yet, but dear is given a wife who loves him to the bones, and he is also given the best parents ever...and i am blessed with a family and a job i love.
there's a lot to be thankful for, if you ask me...

lately, i had been thinking that it's a little pointless, achieving so much on earth, if our journey to heaven is not taken care of.

at times, i have waves and waves of guilt for not being there for my family;  my mum, my grandma, my aunt, my two sisters... not being able to earn enough for everyone to have a great life, not starting my assignment early, forgetting friends... and that sometimes or most of the time, dear does what i am supposed to be doing at home... preparing food, washing dishes, washing clothes...

whatever it is , there are many things to be thankful about - this i am very sure.

Pray that Kak Hawa will be fine....

Dear Diary,

You aren't my diary but I just love saying that, because I love writing diaries, but all my diaries are not within my reach now. I won't say why, but they are safe... so no worries.

We just got back from the hospital. Dear's relative is very sick. In fact, she's very close to going to Heaven. She is currently in coma, ... and her daughters are looking very strong. She has another two sons, and they also really look strong. They do not seem very distraught, which I really salute - because if I were to be in their shoes, I would have been really sad and down, and I would be crying every now and then.

I had to go to the office earlier on, so dear and I went to the hospital after 4. We reached there and went inside to the ICU as per advised by my sister in law. We took off our shoes and then wore the slippers provided by the ICU unit  ...

When I walked into the place... I saw people talking to their unconscious loved ones on the bed...whispering things into their ears... and some others had no visitors. We looked for Bed No.5 and then saw Kak Hawa. She was lying there unconscious...and dear was just quiet. It really broke my heart seeing her like that, just because I knew how she was when she was still well. I am not that close to her - but I let out a tear or two, because I couldn't help feeling sorry for her and her family. It must have been really indescribably painful for her husband and her children.

I just hope a miracle will happen - something great will happen because she is way  too young to go, and she is just way too nice.

My bestfriend the SUPERMUM!

Emily Tan. A common name yet a special one to me. I remember back in Secondary 1, when I was 13 years old, I had mistaken her for another schoolmate who was my mother's old friend's daughter. I remember wondering why this girl was so stuck up because I was introduced to her and she was to me, by our mums. Little did I know that I got the different schoolmate!

We became good friends back in Secondary 3, together with another two bestfriends of mine, Julie and Krystle. 

When my father died in 2001, Emily was the only one who hung out with me during every recess time, and we would walk around the school and talked about almost everything. I will be forever treasure this friendship!

Creativity is what she is.

Well, she just did something amazing for her boy, Jasper. He just turned 5... and she organized a birthday party for him just the way he asked for.

I really would turn to her when it comes to raising a child. In my point of view, she does it the right way. I have met Jasper in total of only twice - once during his full moon, or not (Arghh, bad memory!) and once last year. The communication between Emily and her son was what I never thought of. Unlike most parents that I know of - no offense to anyone in whatever way - Emily treated him like an adult. She apologized when she felt that she had offended her son. "Did mummy hurt you? I'm sorry,boy." And he could talk like an adult! Only 4 then, but no baby talk. And it seemed to me Jasper and his mum were really a team! I'm not sure if I have the permission to list this down, but they have car rules. Hahaha! It really did cheer me up despite the worn out feeling I had, while I was back in hometown. 

This was a picture Emily had obtained from the internet. This pinata was what she aimed to do... 

Pinata in the process... Hehehehe...

Look! It looks the same !!!! 

This is the birthday boy - Jasper Tan. This picture is pretty funny.

Standing proudly in front of his RM300 cake, a gift from his aunt, Evelyn Tan - Emily's younger sister.

The setting is just.... wonderful. 

So colorful and perfect! 

Who wouldn't get excited?

Guess where she got the Tutus from? Surprise, surprise - she made them! I am amazed beyond words. The lady in the pink tutu is Evelyn.

This is the complete family. The forever young looking parents and handsome Jasper. 

Rumor has it that... they are a couple! Hot news! Hot Gossip!!! 

May Allah bless my friend Emily and her family. Bless her little son and I pray that he grows up to be one handsome, successful man. 

Our Life

I don't quite know where to begin, but I know for sure that I am thankful for my husband's presence in my life. We quarrel, we talk about nothing, we laugh non-stop, he makes me cry, and I physically abuse him. He slaps my heart, I slap his stomach. Sometimes we don't sleep at night, sometimes we get more than 12 hours of sleep. We talk to each other like politicians sometimes and we argue like enemies at times. We say things and not do them, like him saying  he will wash the plates, and never does, and I do it in the end. I say I will vacuum the room, but only do it two weeks later. We make plans for movies but end up buying take-outs and enjoy watching Sheldon. I know the title of the sitcom is The Big Bang Theory, but that's just how we address the movie name. 

I randomly hug his arm and kiss it while I am done with my phone or whenever I am bored, while he is still on his tab. He tickles me and I would melatah. (Found this on wisegeek.com :

Latah is a medical condition in which sufferers have an unusual response when their startle reflex is triggered.) Nothing serious, he just enjoys it and laughs whenever it happens to me.

Whenever I am angry about someone, he stands by me and then becomes my partner in crime, even though the mature me wishes that he stops me and calms me down. Then again, this is what your other half is for, if not for standing by you? (winkasa!)


Sometimes I tell him my problems and he ignores me. Sometimes he tells me about bikes, road systems, processes, cars, with all the jargons and I daydream away.


He brings me to work and sends me home whenever he can. We eat like princesses sometimes but another 80% of the time we eat like tigers. He makes fun of all my love movies, and my quotes about love, and I don't stop annoying him about romance and all the words related to love.


We believe in our future together, and we believe that we are going to own a sanctuary in Africa once we are retired. Or, we may be on-road world travellers: with our backpacks, our worn out shoes, and wrinkled skin.

I wish...

Last night, to get that feeling I got when I first watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, I suggested to my other half that he watch the movie with me. I watched it the first time with my friends - which I could not stop wishing to have my husband with me during the movie because of the magnificent roads in Iceland. He would very much love the roads... I think every biker would. So, we did. We watched the movie and the song Space Oddity got stuck in my head. I remembered having the song few years back - at that time I wanted to listen to something different - something that had nothing to do with love, so I downloaded that grand piece by David Bowie. Honestly I had forgotten the song, until I searched for the song again upon hearing it in the movie. 

I never really liked Ben Stiller when he acted in The Night at the Museum, Meet the Parents, Meet the Folks and all those other previous movies he acted in. I only started liking him when I watched the movie which was directed by himself. I saw him in a different light somehow. He really did very good there. Very, very good. 

I have realized some deterioration in myself. I have often thought that I am better; getting better in terms of the values which I have consciously put on top on the list - Patience, Love,... but recently I have been more skeptical about things than ever. 

I bought some food for our dinner on Thursday night, and I did not even turn back to give some of the food to the poor who was sitting on the floor. He looked at me and my plastic and I walked past him. What was wrong with me? I did not think much about what I was supposed to do. I know I was deep in my own thoughts - I always am, but upon realizing the fact that some hungry man out there who could not even afford buying the most basic food, and yet I walked away without giving him a penny, I was one heartless person. 

Why is there such thing as using another person to get whatever that you want? Why do people forget the good things that had been given to them.. good deeds showered upon them?

First post of Year 2014

Today is 3rd January 2014. Who can believe it's already 2014?? 2013, a year seemed so new, still so new, still fresh - is gone! It's over. Know what that represents? It represents ...discontentment.

In another 15 days, Dear and I are going to be married for a year. Alhamdullillah.

What have I learnt in 2013...? Some lessons were repeated. Some lessons were just... new and yet felt so old. Some felt so new, even though they occurred at some point in my life before. 

Well, in year 2013, I had come to learn that, there are some people out there who are somehow just successful, even though so much shit come their way. 

I had also learnt that I appreciate a few values. Honesty. Sincerity. These two were closely related - or rather totally in my 2013. 

They say a year older, a year wiser. Yes, but I wouldn't say a year. I would say an event older, an event wiser. Well, some happenings in the newly previous year had taught me that good times don't last, and bad times don't too.

Let me just sum up the whole year's highlighted event in my 2013. 

January : Marriage 

February : Dear got into an accident on the way to work, English Classes for AEON staff

March : 

April : GEMS & NGND English Classes

May : 

June : TME Sales English Classes

July : 

August : Johor for Raya with in laws, Sungai Besar for Raya with in laws. 

September : Went back hometown - met Emily !!!! and her son Jasper!!! 

October : 

November : Accident at Cameron Highland

December : Went to Penang, Perlis, Pahang, Terengganu...Went back to hometown, my grandma's sister in law got admitted to hospital.

I want to remember only the good things. I of course, cannot help remembering the bad ones, but I think it's important to not damage my happy cells inside my brain. 

Thank You Mak...

For the past few days, I had stayed at my in laws' before I came back home last night to sleep with our Mee- Maw. He is one re-incarnated cat of Dear's previous cat - which we named Babywary. I named him in fact. His cat was helplessly killed by a bunch of dogs. His good neighbor brought him the lifeless body. I loved that cat. Anyway... here is a picture of Mee - Maw, a name we picked from TBBT (The Big Bang Theory) sitcom. It was the name of the Sheldon Lee Cooper character (the funniest, most genius, and simultaneously silliest character ever)'s late grandmother.

So Mee-Maw here, was just closing his eyes, which appeared to me like he was sleeping; but he wasn't lying down. He is one naughty cat, and he is less fluffy compared to his late brother aka late uncle.

Anyway, I had been spending time with my mother in law... I really like her. She is a good cook, an honest woman, and most of all a relaxed mother. Relaxed in the sense that if anything goes wrong; if it is not that serious, she laughs it off like a mild joke. She loves her children - so much that she really never complains about cooking or doing anything for them. She cleans the house every single day - that is like how my favorite auntie - Aunt Eng, and my grandma do.

About cooking, I guess her family - and whoever is her family, even though  new like me - is very lucky... she is a great chef. Whenever the food is served, I always hoped that someone would start eating, because her cooking really intrigues all the appetites ever in the world. Apart from being able to bring her magic pair of hands to make the cooking taste delicious, she is able to prepare many dishes at the shortest time. Whenever I am in the kitchen with her, I would ask.. "Mak masak ape?" (Translation: "Mom, what are you cooking?") She would tell me the name of the dish - and honestly, the only thing I am able to help her with is the washing of dishes and probably preparing the drinks, and then the plates and...bringing the food to the front. That's about it, I guess. I am that useless. :( She had taught me how to clean out Ikan Billis (Anchovies) too, and it is pretty fun.

Watching Malay dramas becomes something I really enjoy doing. I realized that there are a lot of pretty local actresses around. I had never paid any attention to Malay or Tamil dramas previously- but now Malay dramas are just great..

I felt bad though - because mak had helped me out so much - providing me so much convenience...
in the morning she made sure that I had my food, and my dirty clothes were washed by her...

If I am not able to repay her in any other way, I pray that she is repaid by Allah for her good deeds. She is one great companion too; smiles sincerely whenever she finds something amusing. What we need is sincerity - always the sincerity. I am really fed up with fake expressions. I have seen so many people like this around - even among my friends.

This is to mak:

Mak, you are such a nice person - funny sometimes, and you really have a good heart. You're an excellent cook!!!!!!! May Allah bless you with perfect health, perfect faith, and may you be happy all the time, Mak. :)

4th November.

It's at this wee hour. ...5am in the morning..that i have decided to re-install blogger on my phone after the reset.
Dear is sitting next to me... I just woke up. He said he is unable to sleep because of the pain on his leg. I am worried, because he seems to have lost his appetite. Oh i am like a mother worrying for her child. Now, should i buy him Appeton?
November is a month of wonder to me. On the first day i had my super painful menstrual pain. It was almost unbearable. I went to work anyway, and i have my reason. 1st november was a friday. Friday is a terribly bad day for MC. Why? Because... Trust me... MC has gotten such a bad reputation. So having MC on a Friday is more like a patterned MC... Something i still fail to figure out. In my humane opinion,when one is sick,one should rest. It was going to be a long weekend anyway due to the holiday on Monday and Tuesday...
On the 2nd,i felt better...even though not entirely. Dear and i had a great time at home and out anyway.
On the 3rd, which was a Sunday, we had decided to ride to Cameron Highland. A place i had never longed to visit because it isn't an animal place. No zoo, no wildlife reserve... Well, we  prepared for the journey anyway. We were up pretty early. I was up pretty early. Dear barely slept, something i feel pretty much annoyed about. I completely know the feeling of having insufficient sleep. I did not want to argue, so when he said he was okay with only 3 hours of sleep, i let him be.
It was a really great morning. A great ride.
(the trip will be told in detail in another entry)
The scenery was... Significantly,remarkably awesome. The temperature was... just my thing! Rainy season made it even colder.
I was a happy kid.
No plans of staying the night we had,but prodeeded due to dear's calculation of time and the pros and cons.
4th November came. Bought my pink powerbank, fed some cute and fat and harmless stray dogs... And had our tea... Fed our lungs with the fresh air cameron has, fed our eyes on d pretty, amazing sceneries of tea plantation...saying goodbye to all of those in my heart....
And BOOM!!!!!
The bike ran into an old blue jeep. There were millions of jeeps there. I was blank for about a second. I heard dear calling me..."baby...baby...get up...can get up or not?...." i tried getting up..but i couldn't. I tried to call out to him but i felt so choked. No sound came out. I was screaming desperately inside my head but the sound that came out of me was very soft. I felt like i had used all my might, but it didn't seem enough. I felt people pulling me up to the ground. Someone pulled a plastic chair for me..then asked me to sit down. I was in pain. I didn't know where...but i was in pain. Dear was sitting on the floor. He had a cut...a very deep cut on his calf. I saw the bone. The cut was big and it was wide open. I saw the bone!!!!! I said in my weak voice "dear....ur leg....." he answered he knows.... And then he asked someone to cover it for him. What i really respect and salute dear for is his strength... He is one strong man. A man. He doesn't admit his pain...he doesn't cry and show his pain. Then again this means he doesn't show it even to me. One old Malay man was really nice...he squatted to give dear support on his back. He called the ambulance. I was sure he was a local. He even gave dear and me a bottle of drink. My right arm was in pain. It felt so sore that it was painful. The ambulance came after a while...and brought us to the hospital. We were both seated at the back and the ambulance drove like mad. If we did not hold on to anything we would have been in more serious pain and have had more critical injury.
(sorry i went back to sleep after fajr prayer)
It's now almost noon..just showered..
When we reached the hospital, i was seated on a wheel chair...and dear was not!his wound was covered with a piece of cloth, that was why they thought he was fine. I was in pain and was brought to one of the beds. They asked me questions...asked me which part was painful...and then they jabbed my left thigh...oh my goodness...it was painful! I was never afraid of needles but this one was huge!!! Because my arm could not move, instead of taking off my shirt,the nurse cut the shirt off. She then dressed me with the hospital dress. Anyway i still kept wondering where my husband was. I hoped they were already treating him. According to what he told me few days back, they did not give him immediate attention. He had to register us both first. I believe it was due to the cloth. My body felt weird...i didn't really know what was going on....but i felt really nervous. There was this juice in my abs..inside of my body of course...which kept flowing and made me want to vomit. It was like going up and down the roller coaster...non stop.
The doctor was really nice. The female doctor. The chinese female doctor. Her name is Lee Wei Min. She looked pretty young and she was helpful. The nurse was also nice. She did complain a bit but when she was faced with her patients she was nice. The nurse looked very young too. In fact there were one or two more accidents happening after ours. I heard something about a baby being trapped. The calls were almost non stop for a while.
(2 days later we saw in the news that the mother died. She was my age! Poor thing...such a sad news for the family... The baby was only 11 months and he suffered broken legs... Al-Fatihah to the mum...)
I was brought into the Radiology room and they had me X-Rayed. They then brought me back to the place i was initially placed. On my way out i heard dear calling me...and i was glad he was ok.i waited for the result. The result showed negative bone crack or fracture.
After a while...the nice doctor told me that i could go see my husband if i wanted to...he was just next door. Of course i wanted to. She helped me to put on my clothes. I kept saying sorry to her because i felt so bad having a doc to help me put my clothes on. She said it was ok because she understood. Then i went to see dear. They were almost done with the dressing and the cement. Then the doctor came and tell us that they could provide us a room for a night. They even gave us food. ..they gave us the doctor's food cos the patient's food had already finished. I felt really dizzy and while dear was on the wheelchair and the doctor was talking... I asked for a plastic bag because I needed to puke badly and I did. Disgusting.
After the vomiting we went to the beds provided to get some rest. I felt really uncomfortable...felt very dizzy and my stomach felt sick. I vomited once more. Despite dear's leg....he helped me with the vomiting. Thankful to have him around. The nice doctor then came rushing over and then I saw her but could not help it...I just had to cry because when I vomited my organs felt painful. My body ached so much when any energy was exerted. The doctor said to me..."ok girl...since you are here tonight waiting for your family...why don't I give you an injection so that the medicine goes straight inside your blood vessel for you to stop vomiting..if u still do after that we need to scan further to check if there is any concussion in your brain..." I said ok. I was thinking,'you know best doctor...just do whatever is best.'
And then after a while, a male nurse came to give me the injection...on my left hand. Since the back of my palm was hurt, he injected me below the thumb. My watch was taken off.Again the needle hurt. Ouchhhh, my mind said. After that he left us to be alone.
Dear and I fell asleep. Before that I asked dear to call his parents...because I was in pain and I couldn't think so much. Dear was contemplating of what to do...because he was afraid that his parents would scold us. In the end he used my phone to send mak (means mother, my mum in law) a text. I didn't know what he did. ..and I was pretty blur then. He was on his bed and I was on mine. I didn't know what time it was... And I just dozed off. When I woke up..I saw people walking around.. And I didn't know the time...dear was also asleep but he was not sleeping profoundly like always. I went back to sleep again. The next thing I know, when I woke up... Dear was already snoring. I tried calling him but he was snoring away still. Then I called him a few more times to check if our family called him...because my phone was with him...he woke up...I asked for the time..and then we both woke up. I went to the loo...and then after sitting up on my bed for a while. ..dear said abah (father) had called and they were already near . We waited for them....
I went to ask about our mc from the nice nurse...and then I went to the waiting room....our family was already there...alhamdullillah. ..
My pretty sister in law was also there with her daughter and her husband. Her son was sleeping in the car.
Abah also prepared crutch for dear...and off we went to have some breakfast...
To be honest... I think I had some hallucinations on the way back... I saw big trucks...but when I forced consciousness there was none. I also saw people (old Malay lady with yellow and black baju kurung. ..looked like local...and some other locals..)on the road but when I strained my eyes opened...there was also none...
Anyway..our family....I really owe them. We went back home to get some clothes...then after that went back to my in laws'...
Seriously I don't know what to do to repay them...I just pray that they are blessed...aminn. ..